It's Monday night.
We've all had our fun, but now it's time to let Christina Aguilera off the hook for bobbling the anthem.
First, fair being fair, you get up in front of ten people, let alone tens of thousands and let those stanzas fly.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Second, it's time to get serious about retiring this overwrought, overblown obstacle course disguised as patriotism and replace it with a piece that more realistically reflects the dignity, grace and passion that we all feel about our country.
More on that in a minute.
As for Mr Francis Scott Key and his saber saw of a singalong, check out these fun factoids...
Francis Scott Key penned the words as a poem, not a song. Originally entitled "Defence of Fort McHenry," the poem focused on the attack on the base by the British Royal Navy during the War of 1812.
According to the National Park Service, Key, who was a prominent lawyer, attempted to negotiate the release of a friend who was being held by the Brits on a warship. The Brits agreed to release him, but insisted that the men stay on the ship until the battle ended. It was from there that Key witnessed the attack and saw that the American flag was still flying in the morning. The Fort had not surrendered.
Over the years, the lyrics have changed here and there, but remain largely the same. The Library of Congress hosts an original draft of Key's words. But of course, the words are only half the tune. The actual music is an old drinking song called "To Anacreon in Heaven," written by composer John Stafford Smith.
And, an interesting footnote: The Star-Spangled Banner, while an immensely popular patriotic tune for centuries, wasn't always the national anthem. That didn't happen until Herbert Hoover signed an act in 1931.
...and left us with poem sung to the tune of a drinking song designated our national anthem by the president whose main claim to fame is the greatest depression this country has ever experienced.
Talk about your buzzkill in the key of B flat.
Here's a thought.
We lived without the Star Mangled from 1776 all the way to 1931 and chances are pretty good the empire wouldn't come rocking off the foundation if we were to suck it up and admit to ourselves that it was time to put it, and ourselves, out of the misery.
All with a very nice ceremony and a permanent place in the Smithsonian and all that other reverential folderol, of course.
Followed by the ceremony welcoming its replacement.
A song we've all been joyfully singing along with since the second grade and which, to my knowledge, has never been bobbled, boggled, garbled or mangled at any event in which anthemic prologuing might be appropriate.
A song melodically both haunting and stirring, lyrically rich with every iconic image that is grand, gorgeous and majestic about this lovely and amazing country.
This beautiful America.
America, the Beautiful.
Francis Scott Key...meet Ray Charles.
Talk about the soul of America.
Bet even Christina Aguilera wouldn't bobble it.
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