Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Valentine's Day?...My Heart's Not In It....


First of all, here’s the disclaimer I feel compelled to offer from the very outset:
I have always been, am now and will always be a romantic.

Even though I admit to being a card carrying cynic about this zany little theme park called life, I am very much a believer in the thrills, chills, agony, ecstasy, devastating power and redeeming qualities of romantic love.

And, by the way, for those who have never heard me share it before, allow me to quickly sidebar with my self-written definition of a cynic:

A hopeless romantic who understands the way life really works.

So, why am I waving my romance “credentials” in front of you?
Because I am about to blaspheme and I want to be given a fair hearing.

Valentine’s Day is, at best, unnecessary and, at worst, cruel and heartless.

Pun unintended, but certainly timely.

In the interest of fairness to the well intentioned, but ultimately misrepresented Saint who bears the name but not the blame, I should be more specific.

The celebration of Valentine’s Day is, at best, unnecessary and, at worst, cruel and heartless.
Just can’t get enough of that pun, kids.

And I’m going to make my case here in just a minute (did you have a single second’s doubt?), but, first….
PrintNPost.com, one of several blog sites I frequent, published a piece this week from Dr. Michelle L. Casto, a lady whose bio refers to her as…well, here…check it out…


Dr. Michelle is known as the Soul Diva Coach, Speaker, and Author. Michelle knows that there is a divine spark within each of us. Her life’s work is to empower herself and others to fully shine their bright light, master their life, and share what she learns along the way. She helps you to see the light, come up with bright ideas for your life, integrate your humanity and divinity, and shine more brightly in all dimensions of your life


Okay. Now I’m not writing this piece to rag on Dr. Michelle and her piece, per se’. (Although, right off the bat, I can see a couple hundred ways to have some fun here, starting with the idea that I have a divine spark inside of me…actually, it’s more like an annoying burning sensation…but, it could just be gas…)
I found, though, that reading her work motivated me to share my thoughts about this yearly ritual of chocolates and flowers and hearts and…yeah, well, I know. You get it.
Thing is, I’m not entirely sure that Dr. M and I aren’t on the same page. Because I think she gets it that Valentine’s Day is a tar pit of potential misery covered over with millions of those tiny little candy hearts.
But, why tell you what I think she thinks… when I can just let you decide for yourself..(with thanks to Dr. Casto for being cool and realizing that I’m giving her a free plug)


How to Have a Happy Valentine’s Day even if you don’t have a Valentine
By Dr. Michelle L. Casto


Valentine’s Day can bring one of two responses from people: excitement or doom. For those people blessed enough to be one half of a twosome, V-day is filled with excitement. But if you are like some of my girlfriends who insist on wearing black to communicate their lack of participation, the day can more often feel like “D” day (doomsday). Like many other unhappy souls, my friends make the mistake of thinking Valentine’s day has been specifically designed to remind them that they don’t have love.

This is where many people miss the point. Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate all kinds of love, not just that of the romantic nature. Denying that you possess love within you and refusing to see the love that surrounds you is faulty thinking. Since thoughts create reality, it is easy to see how this kind of thinking brings about a sense of “lack” in your love life. But if you acknowledge and accept all the love that surrounds you, guess what? More love comes to you.

So, the first thing you need to do have in order to have a happy Valentine’s day is develop a positive attitude. By thinking positively, you can bring positiveness into your life. And this will make it easier to appreciate V-day and its true meaning.

The second thing you need in order to have a happy Valentine’s day is to accept that valentine’s day is not just a day for lovers. In fact, it is meant to be a day to celebrate love. You can do this in many ways, the least of which would be to tell all the people in your life how much you love and appreciate them. Love comes in many forms, why limit your ability to spread love? If you don’t have a special sweetie, why not send a valentine’s message to your parents, grandparents, friends, or co-workers?


The article goes on for a while, but that’s the drift of it.
Okay, now…let’s zero in on something key that Dr. Michelle offers…

“ Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate all kinds of love, not just that of the romantic nature.”

I promise I’m really not to trying to ornery on purpose.
But that reads to me like rationalization in its purest form.
Last night’s episode of “House” offered up this brilliant, quick burst of dialogue:
“White lies are lies we tell to make other people feel better…. rationalization is lies we tell to make ourselves feel better.”

“…Now, honey, don’t you fret because nobody gave you a box of candy or called you up for a date or sent you a card or even, for that matter, has any idea that you exist on the planet Earth on this most “romantic” of days. Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate all kinds of love, not just that of the romantic nature. Now come here and give your old tax auditor a big hug….”

Yes, thank you, I’m fully aware that what the good doctor is doing is making heart song out of heartache.
But that’s my point.
If it weren’t for the way this damn “holiday” comes at us, we wouldn’t be forced to come up with ways to protect ourselves from it.
The best spin job in the world is not going to blind anybody to the fact that Valentine’s Day, as it is “celebrated” in this country, puts a tremendous amount of pressure on people to be “in love”, be “falling in love” or finding that special someone so you can….say it with me…”fall in love”.
And it has nothing, whatsoever, to do with doling out hugs to the cranky lady in the cubicle next to you the same way you give used coats to the needy at Christmas time.
Don’t get me wrong. I think that Dr. M does a wonderful job of articulating ways to minimize the bruising that Valentine’s Day can inflict.
I just don’t think it takes a Rhodes scholar to realize that being in love, falling in love or finding that special someone are such priceless events in life that taking one day out of the year and slapping a label on it cheapens those events to the point of insult.
Here’s an idea.
Since it’s really about the candy anyway, with Samplers flying out of stores like half price Christmas decorations on the 26th, why not just tag February 14th as Walt Whitman Day.
Who knows, we might get a few kids hooked on You Tube to pick up a copy of Leaves Of Grass.
And we can start celebrating the exquisite joys of falling in love every day of the year.

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