Sunday, January 27, 2008

Starlight, Starbright, First Star I See...uh-oh...wait a minute....


While I was surfing this morning, reading the numbers and pundit observations about yesterday’s South Carolina primary and trying to figure out what it all means and what direction the country is going to take in the next four years, this little item came crashing down on me (pun intended)…
WASHINGTON (AP) -- A large U.S. spy satellite has lost power and propulsion and could hit the Earth in late February or March, government officials said Saturday.
The satellite, which no longer can be controlled, could contain hazardous materials, and it is unknown where on the planet it might come down, they said.
The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because the information is classified as secret.
"Appropriate government agencies are monitoring the situation," said Gordon Johndroe, a spokesman for the National Security Council.
"Numerous satellites over the years have come out of orbit and fallen harmlessly. We are looking at potential options to mitigate any possible damage this satellite may cause."
He would not comment on whether it is possible for the satellite to be perhaps shot down by a missile. He said it would be inappropriate to discuss any specifics at this time.
A senior government official said that lawmakers and other nations are being kept apprised of the situation.

First of all, besides the immediate visions of movies like “Deep Impact” and “Armageddon” flickering to life in the DVD player of my brain, two items there in the story particularly amused me:

The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because the information is classified as secret.

Thank heavens (no pun, here) the information was classified by the government as secret or we wouldn’t have heard a peep until we started wondering what caused the Lake Michigan size hole in our backyard and why we haven’t heard from Fido for a few days.

A senior government official said that lawmakers and other nations are being kept apprised of the situation.

If this apprising is being done by the same officials who were responsible for keeping this classified information secret, then I really don’t know any other way to break this to you, kids:
Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Now, servant of the people that I am, I did some research and discovered that things fall out of the sky all the time and we’ve never been “impacted” (pun probably intended) by it.


Just in recent times, for example, the following things came crashing down:
· In 1979, Skylab
· In 2000, the Gamma Ray Observatory
· In 2002, a four ton weather satellite
· And in 2007, of course, the career of Britney Spears

But we had plenty of warning about that one, so, obladi, oblada…

All of this got me thinking about the odds of being hit by falling space debris. Which got me thinking about the odds of being inconvenienced in a life-concluding manner (that would be my erudite way of saying “buying the farm”).
So, I did a little more research and, as a public service to those of you who don’t think you have enough to worry about these days, here’s the odds of…..(if I could add music to the blogsite, I think we’d be enjoying a little Johnny Mathis and “Chances Are”…here)


Odds of fatally slipping in bath or shower: 2,232 to 1

Odds of drowning in a bathtub: 685,000 to 1

Odds of being killed on a 5-mile bus trip: 500,000,000 to 1

Odds of being killed sometime in the next year in any sort of transportation accident: 77 to 1
Odds of being killed in any sort of non-transportation accident: 69 to 1

Odds of being struck by lightning: 576,000 to 1

Odds of being killed by lightning: 2,320,000 to 1

Odds of being murdered: 18,000 to 1

Odds of being the victim of serious crime in your lifetime: 20 to 1

Chance of dying from any kind of injury during the next year: 1 in 1,820

Chance of dying from intentional self-harm: 1 in 9,380

Chance of dying from an assault: 1 in 16,421

Chance of dying from a car accident: 1 in 18,585

Chance of dying from any kind of fall: 1 in 20,666

Chance of dying from accidental drowning: 1 in 79,065

Chance of dying from exposure to smoke, fire, and flames: 1 in 81,524

Chance of dying in an explosion: 1 in 107,787

Chance of dying from exposure to forces of nature (heat, cold, lightning, earthquake, flood): 1 in 225,107

Chance of dying in an airplane accident: 1 in 354,319

Chance of dying from choking on food: 1 in 370,035

Chance of dying in a terrorist attack while visiting a foreign country: 1 in 650,000

Chance of dying in a fireworks accident: 1 in 1,000,000

Chance of dying from overexertion, travel or privation: 1 in 1,428,377

Chance of dying from food poisoning: 1 in 3,000,000

Chance of dying from legal execution: 1 in 3,441,325

Chance of dying from contact with hot tap water: 1 in 5,005,564

Chance of dying from parts falling off an airplane: 1 in 10,000,000

Chance of dying from ignition or melting of nightwear: 1 in 30,589,556

Chance of dying from being bitten by a dog: 1 in 700,000

Chance of dying from contact with a venomous animal or plant: 1 in 3,441,325

Chance of dying from being bitten or struck by mammals (other than dogs or humans): 1 in 4,235,477

Chance of dying from a mountain lion attack in California: 1 in 32,000,000

Chance of dying from a shark attack: 1 in 300,000,000

Chance of having a stroke: 1 in 6

Chance of dying from heart disease: 1 in 3

And, of course, more to the point of what we’re talking about here:

Chance that Earth will experience a catastrophic collision with an asteroid in the next 100 years: 1 in 5,000

Chance of dying in such a collision: 1 in 20,000


The thing to do here, I think, is look on the bright side. For example:

Odds of being considered possessed by Satan: 7,000 to 1

So, if my sixth grade math skills are intact, you don’t have to have to sweat losing your soul to the devil cause you’ll be smashed by the asteroid long before THAT ever happens…
Of course, here’s some bad news about that whole Satan thing….

Odds of dating a supermodel: 88,000 to 1

Which, unfortunately, means that old Mr. Pitch Fork will be cozying up to you long before Tyra Banks gives you the time of day.

I guess it seems disingenuous at this point, but….
Have a great day!

Oh…and one more little stat I found of interest….


Odds of getting away with murder: 2 to 1


I’ve been telling you what amazing luck O.J. Simpson has…

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