Tuesday, January 15, 2008

"God Would Be Great in 2008"


This particular election year is unique in a variety of ways, not the least of which, of course, is the fact that both an African American man and a woman are, for the first time, leading contenders for a major party presidential nomination.
And no matter what your political or party preference, it cannot be denied that this is a very historic year.
I think the only thing that could make this year more interesting, at least from an historic point of view, would be if God decided to get into the race. Imagine the buzz that would come from having to choose between a youthful black Senator, a former First Lady and the Almighty Creator of the Heavens and the Earth. Boy, there’s a roundtable discussion that would put Cokie, Claire, George F. and George S. to shame now wouldn’t it?
The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that while a God candidacy was probably a media dream, not to mention boosting voter registration efforts (hell, the Seventh Day Adventists alone would probably have more endorsement clout than the Teamsters), it was, after all, a political impracticality. I mean, come on, let’s face it. American politics has a set way of conducting itself that would be a tough nut for the Father to crack.
Don’t think so?
Consider:
· The economy being what it is, people will be unable to both tithe AND contribute to the campaign, so fundraising will be a bitch….in fact, a lot of people will probably try to pass off their tithes AS their contribution which will set off a whole church treasurer/campaign finance chairman turf war…
· Can you begin to imagine how big the bumper stickers would have to be to get all Ten Commandments on them?
· The televised debates would be a monumental challenge, because any technical director will tell you that lighting God is a whole different kettle of fish than lighting Barack or Hillary
· On the odd chance that He actually won, how ya gonna swear Him in? Is He supposed to say, “so help me, Me?”
· The challenges of taking the campaign on the road would be staggering. Talk about a guy with an entourage. The disciples alone would take up one whole bus.
· Not sure how the whole “dirty tricks/negative campaign” thing would work. First, what kind of dirt can you dig up on God? And second, who’s gonna take the chance of doing the digging?
· Any potential vice presidential candidate is going to balk…I mean what’s the point of taking the job when the chances that the President is going to die are zip?
· And, of course, some naysayer is bound to dredge up that pesky “church and state” thing.

Then again, there are some upsides:
· It would confuse the hell out of all those Middle East terrorist yahoos….how are they supposed to kill us infidels in the name of……the Democratic candidate for President of the United States?
· At least when Jehovah’s Witness’ showed up at your door, you could just tell them you’d decided to vote for the other guy and send them on their way.
· You could put “political activist” on your resume’ just by showing up every week at church.
· And, boy howdy, if THIS president decided to invade a country, He would smote their ass in a New York minute, so that our kids wouldn’t have to die eight and nine at a time for an unlimited number of years.

All things considered, probably best that God just carry on doing whatever it is God does. (And given the state of the world these days, the phrase “God only knows” takes on a whole new meaning…)
And probably best leaving the job of instilling fear of divine retribution and unspeakable powers of vengeance to the candidate most suited for THAT.
Hillary.

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