Thursday, January 24, 2008

Forget Jim Dandy...How About Bill Clinton To The Rescue?


Unless you’ve been visiting the Romulan empire in the past few months, you know that the 2008 presidential election is historic, if for no other reason, because it is the first time that both a woman and an African American man lead the pack to become the presumptive nominee of a major party.
Pretty cool, huh?
Not to mention that the woman is also a former First Lady, which means that her husband is a former President of the United States.
Actually, if you think about it all for too long, I’ve found one of two things happens:
You either get one of those ice cream headaches right in the center of your forehead.
Or you start to get that slightly creepy feeling when you hear that two of your cousins are getting married.
Either way, it’s history in the making.
And comedy gold, Jerry, comedy gold.
Because not only are we witnessing the first black man and the first woman as viable candidates, but that same former president who is married to the former first lady who is the first woman to get this far is functioning not only as a former president and potential “First Man”, but has, of late, taken on one of life’s most traditional, and poignant, roles:
The boyfriend who beats up the guy who badmouths his baby.

Barack’s dissin Hill / and there’s gonna be trouble
Hey now, hey now / Cause Bill is back

Most political pundits, actually, for that matter, most people over the age of nine, have pretty much seen that the Clinton’s have simply dusted off the tried and true “good cop/bad cop” routine to be able to have it both ways out there on the campaign trail. And you’ve got to hand it to Bill and Hill, by golly, whatever else they may or may not be, they are world-class players in the full contact sport of American presidential politics.
Not only coming up with an effective way to be able to campaign both negatively and positively at the same time, but also utilizing their unique respective positions and gender to pretty much have that strategy all to themselves.
I think we can all agree that Michelle Obama getting up in some reporter’s face because he or she was mean to Barack wouldn’t play nearly as well.
And it’s gotta be driving the Obama campaign crazy. Doing everything they can do to bait Hillary into showing anything remotely resembling pre-menstrual behavior and she stays calm, keeps smiling and keeps right on message, never showing even the slightest resentment at any pokes, prods or cheap shots.
She doesn’t have to.
She’s got her big strong man out there taking care of it.
By the way, don’t get the wrong idea. I’m not dissing Hillary at all (and I’d say that even if Bill wasn’t out there ready to take me down for it). Personally, I think it’s only yin and yang. Whatever you think of her politics, it is an undeniable truth that being the first woman to get this far is a testament to, at the least, her courage, her, dare I say…balls? (Back off, Bill, it’s a metaphor) Because let’s be honest. She is being scrutinized and analyzed in ways and by standards that we never impose on male candidates (3 days of coverage about her getting a little teary in a diner??? Puh-leeze). And so, if she’s going to be judged for every little sign of female-ness she shows, then she should be able to use that big strong man to run interference if she wants.
Quid pro quo, Clarice.
And forget all that claptrap about how divisive and mean spirited the “feud” between the respective camps is. Hell, yes, it’s divisive.
They’re not going to relationship counseling to find a common ground to live together in love and harmony.
They are in direct competition to become the leader of the free world.
Frankly, considering the maniacal morons the next president is going to have to face down, I’m just fine with any and all of the candidates who want to be seriously considered showing me that they don’t take crap from anybody.
And if one of them happens to have a spouse who’s ready to step up and help kick a little ass, then I say, you go, girl.
Who knows? If Tipper had gotten in some faces for Al in Florida in 2000 the way Bill does for Hillary today, the presidency might have been assumed by the guy who actually won it.

Laura got off easy.

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