Forget about the presidential campaign…give not a second thought to the ongoing firestorm that is the Middle East…something big, and I mean really big, has occurred and the impact may affect the culture in ways not seen since we realized that it wasn’t the original Darren that Samantha was kissing….
Spider Man and MJ have split up!
What, you say? Could it possibly be true? Am I kidding? What a sick joke!
It’s no joke, gang.
They are no longer a couple; they are no longer man and wife, no longer Mr. and Mrs Man comma Spider.
Well, hell, there’s twenty-one years of comic book marital bliss down the shredder.
And after all the hard work that it took to make a marriage last that long.
At the very least, MJ deserves a medal for putting up with that sticky spider crap all over her good towels for the past two decades.
So, what brought the couple across the border into Splitsville?
Jealousy? Arguments about money? Irreconcilable differences?
Another woman?
Another arachnid?
Nah.
Just a cheesy plot line designed to “hip” up the long running comic.
Spider Man becomes Single Man.
Ring a ding ding.
And kids, mommy and daddy may not be living together, but they still love each other very much. Turns out the story line has lovable Aunt May hurt in an attack and the villain Mephisto cuts Spidey some slack and a deal.
All memories anybody has of Spidy and MJ ever being a couple get erased and, in return, Aunt May returns to full health and her dream of winning gold in the Olympic luge competition.
Now, admittedly, I don’t read the comics anymore. I did up until the time I was about thirteen (okay, forty six, but who’s counting?), but gave it up when I found something a whole lot more fantastic and unbelievable.
The Congressional Record.
So while I don’t know the details of the whole thing, it occurs to me that Mephisto isn’t exactly the brightest light bulb in the socket. Seems like if you’ve got something as “valuable” as the health and/or future of Aunt May as a bargaining chip, you might want to cash it in on something with a little more reciprocal value.
Like, say, Aunt May gets better and…you use your spidey powers to get me 50 yard line tickets to the Super Bowl….or…
Aunt May gets better and….you build me a big web that will keep my lazy brother in law away from the refrigerator….or…
Aunt May gets better and…I never again have to hear the voice of Gilbert Gottfried…
Oh..wait…I’ve got it…
Aunt May gets better and….Al Gore gets the recount he really deserved.
But, nooooooo….the evil idiot makes Aunt May better and all he gets in return is knowing that Spidy and MJ will spend a little time logging on to Eharmony.
This Mephisto guy had the perfect opportunity to get whatever he wanted and the leverage he needed to make it happen.
And he just let it all slip away.
Spider Man and MJ have split up!
What, you say? Could it possibly be true? Am I kidding? What a sick joke!
It’s no joke, gang.
They are no longer a couple; they are no longer man and wife, no longer Mr. and Mrs Man comma Spider.
Well, hell, there’s twenty-one years of comic book marital bliss down the shredder.
And after all the hard work that it took to make a marriage last that long.
At the very least, MJ deserves a medal for putting up with that sticky spider crap all over her good towels for the past two decades.
So, what brought the couple across the border into Splitsville?
Jealousy? Arguments about money? Irreconcilable differences?
Another woman?
Another arachnid?
Nah.
Just a cheesy plot line designed to “hip” up the long running comic.
Spider Man becomes Single Man.
Ring a ding ding.
And kids, mommy and daddy may not be living together, but they still love each other very much. Turns out the story line has lovable Aunt May hurt in an attack and the villain Mephisto cuts Spidey some slack and a deal.
All memories anybody has of Spidy and MJ ever being a couple get erased and, in return, Aunt May returns to full health and her dream of winning gold in the Olympic luge competition.
Now, admittedly, I don’t read the comics anymore. I did up until the time I was about thirteen (okay, forty six, but who’s counting?), but gave it up when I found something a whole lot more fantastic and unbelievable.
The Congressional Record.
So while I don’t know the details of the whole thing, it occurs to me that Mephisto isn’t exactly the brightest light bulb in the socket. Seems like if you’ve got something as “valuable” as the health and/or future of Aunt May as a bargaining chip, you might want to cash it in on something with a little more reciprocal value.
Like, say, Aunt May gets better and…you use your spidey powers to get me 50 yard line tickets to the Super Bowl….or…
Aunt May gets better and….you build me a big web that will keep my lazy brother in law away from the refrigerator….or…
Aunt May gets better and…I never again have to hear the voice of Gilbert Gottfried…
Oh..wait…I’ve got it…
Aunt May gets better and….Al Gore gets the recount he really deserved.
But, nooooooo….the evil idiot makes Aunt May better and all he gets in return is knowing that Spidy and MJ will spend a little time logging on to Eharmony.
This Mephisto guy had the perfect opportunity to get whatever he wanted and the leverage he needed to make it happen.
And he just let it all slip away.
Man, for stupidity like that, you’ve usually got to look to The White House.
No comments:
Post a Comment