"Toys R Us...Petco...Tomato...Tamahto..."

Here’s a thing…

(CNN) -- Your dog may not actually be smarter than somebody's honor student -- popular bumper stickers aside. But your canine companion might well be smarter than their toddler, according to a growing body of research on how dogs think.

Using adapted tests designed for human children, psychologists have learned that average dogs can count, reason and recognize words and gestures on par with a human 2 -year-old.

"They may not be Einsteins, but are sure closer to humans than we thought," said Stanley Coren, a professor emeritus at the University of British Columbia and leading researcher on dog behavior.

Coren said the average dog can understand about 165 words, including signs, signals and gestures. They can also count to about 5, he said.

"I mean, we're not going to make them an accountant or something," Coren said in an interview with CNN Radio.

The smartest dogs, he calls them the "super breeds," are on par with a 2½-year-old, recognizing up to 250 words.

And, no, not all breeds are created equally.

For his book "The Intelligence of Dogs," Coren asked more than 200 dog-obedience judges to rank 110 breeds based on their intelligence. Border collies, poodles, retrievers, German shepherds and Doberman pinschers were among the dogs at the head of the class.

The intellectual runts of the litter? The borzoi, chow chow, bulldog, basenji and -- finishing dead last -- the Afghan hound.

First of all, in the interest of full disclosure, I’m not much of a pet person.

I didn’t have pets as a kid (hindsight indicates that our parents weren’t all that taken with the idea of three kids let alone adding Fido to the menagerie) and the few adult experiences I have had with animals haven’t converted me to the ranks of the rabid.

Yeah, I know, but it’s good alliteration and moderately clever, so indulge me.

Thanks.

It occurred to me after reading Coren’s conjecture that the more passionate dog owners might be on to something.

So, I gave it a little thought (always a slippery slope) and came up with a few reasons that, truth be told, dogs might not only be a welcome addition to any family, they might even be preferred…

Dogs are easily amused…sparing mom and dad the time and inconvenience of the drive to, and drop off at, the mall every damn day of the summer…

Dogs give affection without condition…which means you don’t have to pop for a Wii or Ipod to get a little appreciation…

Dogs don’t know how to operate a remote, so there is no need to screw up your cable programming by having to install all those parental control dealies…

Dogs aren’t usually fussy eaters, so you don’t have to spend twenty minutes in the drive thru line trying to communicate to the heavily accented attendant that you want “EXTRA cheese but NO pickles on the first one…but EXTRA pickles and NO cheese on the other one…”

Dogs don’t know, or care, who Sarah Palin is, so that debate doesn’t have to ruin a good conversation.

Dogs don’t get busted for DUI, possession or drunk and disorderly, so you can coast through their teenage years without stress…(of course, a dog’s teenage years start just before they turn 2, but, you get the idea…)

Dogs don’t insist that their life wont be worth living if they cant get that driver’s license a nano second after they turn 16 (of course, that would be just AFTER they turn 2, but you get the idea…)

Dogs lick themselves and not each other, so you’re off the hook for that whole “birds and bees” thing that rears its ugly head somewhere around the age of 12 these days…

Dogs don’t know, and don’t care, who Hannah Montana is, so instead of having to mortgage the house for concert tickets you can spring three bucks for a new chew toy…

Admittedly, dogs can ruin your new shoes, damage your furniture, keep you up all night with their noise, piss off your neighbors and leave you vulnerable to any number of lawsuits.

But, then, so can your kids so all of that is a wash.

Hmmm.

Looking at the big picture, I have to admit that I have a little better understanding of those people who opt to have Chihuahuas in lieu of children.

What do you want to bet that if she had it do all over again, Paris Hilton’s mom would choose differently?

And go for, say, an Afghan hound instead?