One sure sign that you are falling behind when it comes to keeping up with culture is not knowing your acronyms.LOL means laugh out loud.
ROFL means rolling on the floor laughing
LMAO means laughing my ass off.
By the way, if you don’t know where these acronyms are used, don’t waste your time learning them.
You’re already so far behind that the family will be standing around you in a circle with roses in their hands by the time you catch up.
Regardless of your hip and/or savvy level, here’s an acronym I bet, no matter your age or social strata, you know.
TMI.
Its translation is simple and basic. Its creation, I imagine, was inevitable, a by-product of the need we seem to have developed in the last few years to absorb all the minutiae we can in any given twenty four hour period.
Ironic, given that the acronym itself indicates that, saints be praised, there is still some perception of a limit on the amount of useless shit cluttering up our synapses.
For example…
(People.com) -- After starting a new workout regimen three months ago, "The View's" Sherri Shepherd made a splash on the daytime talk show by revealing her new bathing suit body.
But there's one part of her figure she'd never want to change.
"I love my boobs!" says Shepherd, 42, who lost four inches from her chest during her two-month weight loss challenge but still wears a DD cup.
Would she ever consider a breast reduction now that she's getting back into shape?
"What?! No! I would never ever, ever, ever," says Shepherd, whose measurements are 40-33-37. "I don't care how old they get and how long they get, I'm going to love my boobs. I'd never get rid of them."
Not that she's anti-surgery in general. "I have a little muffin top from my C-section," says Shepherd. "I said if I can keep this weight loss up for a year, I'm getting my tummy tuck."
This history-altering bit of information came to me by way of perusing the CNN.com home page.
And I might not have given it a second glance had it not been for the headline that trumpeted the story:
“SHERRI SHEPPARD REFUSES TO GET A BREAST REDUCTION.”
If you read my work regularly, then you already know where this is going.
For those of you dropping by for the first time, welcome.
And here’s where this is going…
It’s pathetic enough that this kind of information is deemed worthy of being reported as legitimate “news”, without insulted intelligence being added to injury with the approach.
How about…
“SHERRI SHEPPARD ACCOMPLISHES MAJOR WEIGHT LOSS.”?
Or…
“SHERRI SHEPPARD GIVES UP JUNK FOOD FOR LOVE OF CHILD”?
Even from those points of view, it would be a questionable “news item”.
Millions of people work hard, give up the Drake’s Cakes and lose weight every day.
I don’t see any news stories about them.
Unless the weight loss is over, say, five hundred pounds and a Filipino family is discovered living in the tucks of the former fatty.
I think we all applaud Sherri Sheppard’s success.
And I think we all could cut enough slack, given her minor celebrity, to concede that her efforts to get healthy makes for a nice, ideally brief, human interest story.
But that’s apparently not the news.
She lost some weight.
But the headline cries that she is standing firm on the issue of breast reduction.
That pun was totally inevitable, swear to God.
I object to that approach on a couple of levels.
First, it cheapens what little genuine value there is in the story in the first place.
Second, it denies men a basic human right.
It’s our job to be fixated on breasts, not the culture’s.
I totally get that the 24/7 media world we live in necessitates a need for “news” space to be filled.
And when it comes to somebody accomplishing something many of us envy, the case can be made its worth a few lines on the homepage.
But the whole “keep my boobs” business is…wait for it…TMI.
And when it comes to that kind of crap clogging up my cerebral hard drive, I say that those shoveling it out need to just STFU.
EOD.
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