"How Can We Miss You...When You Won't Go Away..."

Right off the bat, I’m conceding that I never cared much for Jay Leno.

I’m a Letterman type, much to the total lack of surprise on the part of people who know me.

Having said that, I totally get why Jay has succeeded in late night lo these past 17 years.

I’m not sure what the television industry term for it is but I have my own expression.

Yin yang.

Jay is the sugar to Dave’s spice.

Sweet versus sour.

The guy next door everybody smiles and waves at versus the guy next door who you believe is most likely up to no good behind closed doors.

Safe versus scary.

Just to wring one more simile out of the scenario.

Okay, one more.

In 1965, Jay would have been Paul McCartney.

Dave would have been Mick Jagger.

Good boy. Bad boy.

Okay, I’m done now.

And it’s not that I can’t appreciate the virtues of the good guy.

I always thought Wally Cleaver was a lot cooler than Eddie Haskell.

All that said, I simply never felt simpatico with La Leno.

First, I naturally gravitate away from the affable, naturally polite types and towards the courteous, but smart-ass types.

Wally and Eddie notwithstanding.

Second, my personal taste in stand up comedy leans a little more toward the edgy and a little less toward the “all things to all people” approach.

Third, Jay had (has) one habit that has chapped my cheeks since day one.

He almost always two times the punch line.

“In the news today, Vice President Biden announced he will be hospitalized overnight for the removal of his foot from his mouth… (AUDIENCE LAUGHS)….the removal of his foot from his mouth…”

I couldn’t prove in court that that constitutes a va-dum-bump.

But I could prove it comes pretty damn close.

And rimshots may be considered tres chic at the local PTA Talent Night.

But I expect just a little more from the guy who got the torch passed to him from Steve Allen, Jack Paar and Johnny Carson.

So, I think we can safely summarize all of this by saying what I said at the outset.

I never cared much for Jay Leno.

Still, credit where it’s due, he has been, for seventeen years, the host of the longest lasting television/variety/talk show in the history of the medium.

Then again, According to Jim is still around, so there may have been some lowering of the quality bar in the last decade or so.

By now, intuitive rascal that I am, I suspect a question has formed in your mind.

Dear God in Heaven, is this guy going to get to the damn point or what?

Fair point.
Here ya go.

The “final” Jay Leno hosted Tonight Show, last night, May 29, 2009, was, according to the hype this morning, much ado about not much.

I think that unfair.

I’d offer that he actually did accomplish something.

The most anti-climactic television event since Geraldo opened Capone’s vault on live TV to find nothing but nothing all those years ago.

If, for no other reason, Jay will “be right back” after the summer on the same station at a slightly earlier time.

From The Tonight Show…
To The This Evening Show.

Va-dum-bump.

Seventeen years ago, Johnny Carson did a last week of special shows and then, on his final night, literally bid a “heartfelt goodbye” to everyone who has faithfully watched the show for thirty years.

And we never saw him on the air again.

Picture that kid that you grew up with, played ball with, hung out with, whose dad got transferred and, as you watched the moving van pulling away, you knew that your paths would likely never cross again.

Kind of a teary moment, right?

Damn skippy.

For a lot of people, Johnny Carson was that kid, on that night, seventeen years ago.

“In the news today, Tonight Show viewers, last night, witnessed host Jay Leno’s moving van pull away…and start unloading five houses up the street…(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)…five houses up the street…”