Through the years, I have to admit, I’ve had some pretty cool jobs.
I’ve gotten to write lyrics, compose music and write songs (not necessarily one and the same), I’ve played and sung in front of thousands of people and acted and done radio.
I’ve written essays, blogs, short stories, novels, screenplays, teleplays and the occasional letter to family and/or friends.
As I said, pretty cool jobs.
One job I always kind of aspired to, but didn’t feel qualified to give a go, is psychic.
Oh, it has nothing to do with the fact that I don’t have any sense of being able to see the future or foretell what destiny has in store for me or anyone else.
I mean, come on, if I could tell the future would I still be working for a living, for God’s sake?
Think Michael J. Fox getting the race results from his little trip back to 1955 and do the math from there.
No, my not having given being a “predictor” a career shot is primarily a matter of feeling like my time is much better spent doing almost anything else.
Because, regardless of the sincere desire I have to not feel superior to people, I confess that I have always enjoyed feeling special.
And there simply is nothing special about predicting the future.
Anyone can do it.
Which might make it something.
But certainly nothing special.
For example, with the arrival of the new year, obviously the “predictions for the new year” come out of the woodwork like absentee ballots in Minnesota.
I spent literally ten seconds Googling before I came upon this list, in this case, from “Nikki”, who bills herself as a “psychic to the stars..”
(Just once, I’d like to see one of these crystal ball players bill themselves as plain folks….you know…Joe The Psychic..)
Take a quick scroll down (dear God, please don’t waste a lot of your life actually thinking about any of this stuff) and then rejoin me at the end for a thought or two
Nikki…Psychic to the Stars…Predictions for 2009
Death of Charles Manson.
Danger around the Dahlia Lama.
Trouble with Tibet and China.
An explosion at the Great Wall of China.
Passing of Fidel Castro.
A cruise ship will be hijacked.
A tsunami off the coast of Alaska.
Uprising in Venezuela.
Giant earthquake in California including Los Angeles, San Francisco and San Diego.
Buckingham Palace on fire.
A war with China and Tibet.
An explosion at the Great Wall of China.
Loch Ness monster will be captured.
Earthquake in British Columbia.
Earthquake in Alaska.
President Sarkozy of France in danger.
Explosion at the Eiffel Tower.
A daredevil will scale the Eiffel Tower.
Royal Jewels will be stolen.
Sarah Palin will write a “tell all book”.
President Bush and Laura Bush will have marriage problems.
Hillary Clinton has to watch her health.
Danger around Barack Obama.
Assassination attempt around Barack Obama.
Assassination Barack Obama – New Martin Luther King.
Race riots break out in US.
A sex scandal around Sarah Palin.
Sarah Palin on television making a lot of guest appearances.
Mohammed Ali has to watch his health.
Mount St. Helens will erupt again.
Explosion in Colombo Sri Lanka.
Trouble in Bangkok Thailand – lots of explosions.
Breakthrough in the cure for cancer, Alzheimer, and heart disease.
Breakthrough in stem cell research.
Another planet with life will be found in the universe.
A commercial jet liner and a meteorite will collide.
A cold war between Cuba and the USA and a possible invasion into Cuba.
Problems with North Korea.
A worldwide computer virus.
A hijacking of a train and explosion at Grand Central Station in New York.
Explosion at the New York Stock Exchange.
Explosion in Ottawa, Canada.
Explosion at the Wall Street Journal.
A new National Hockey League in Canada.
A large fire in Chicago.
An airport hanger fire.
A Belgium chocolate factory will burn to the ground.
A rare Green Flamingo will be found.
A green bear will be found in China.
Earthquakes in China, Alaska, California, Niagara Falls, Greece Rome Italy.
A new board game called Recession.
A meteor will land in Russia.
Seven children being born to a woman in China.
Laura and George Bush have to watch their marriage.
A kidnapping at the White House.
A riot in Budapest Hungary.
Tragedy Gulf of St. Laurence.
More sightings of great white sharks in all kinds of water including water they do not normally swim in.
Collapse of the Golden Gate Bridge.
Flood in the Ukraine.
A subway tragedy in New York.
Arrest in the Madeline McCann case.
A terrorist attack in Karachi Pakistan.
Arrest in the Jon Benet Ramsey Case.
Terrorist attack in Calcutta.
Terrorist attack in Oslo Norway.
A terrorist attack in Copenhagen.
Invasion of Iran by the USA.
Terrorist attack in Turkey.
Terrorist attack in Toronto, Canada.
Animals coming into city’s because of global warming.
An explosion at the Ottawa Canal.
Stock Market up and down.
Prime Minister Brown of England has to be careful of an attack.
Queen Elizabeth has to be careful of an attack.
More shark attacks.
O.J. Simpson has to be careful of his well being. May escape jail.
Another crane tragedy.
Okay.
First, I think it not unfair to say that a really big chunk of this stuff comes from the “duhhh” folder.
More shark attacks?
Wow.
Only a psychic could be sufficiently tuned in to anticipate something like that.
And I especially love the “Belgium chocolate factory burning to the ground” thing.
Almost gives her list an air of authenticity, don’t you think?
Provided you don’t think about it too long.
The bottom line is that you don’t have to be a Mensa member to realize that none of this should be taken with any more seriousness than you would give an episode of “The Simpsons”.
Fun way to kill a few minutes.
No more. No less.
Meanwhile, I’ve been thinking it over and I realize there’s another cool job I’ve never tried that might be fun.
And as it turns out, it’s a lot like being a psychic because you basically tell people what’s going to happen and, when it doesn’t happen, nobody calls you on it.
They just check with you the next day to see what you think.
They’re called meteorologists.
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