Hey, want to hear a riddle?
What’s the difference between an expert and a know it all?
The know it all doesn’t get paid for the opinion.
Don’t get the wrong idea.
I am all about the American Dream, circa 2009.
The dream that we can get a nice big fat paycheck every week while expending as little energy or effort as absolutely necessary.
And how much energy or effort does it take to simply tell people what you think?
Obviously, not very much.
This regular mouthing off of my two cents is living proof.
Here’s the thing, though.
In a culture where the Internet, and blogging, et al, in particular, have made it possible for every Tom, Dick and Harriet to express their opinions and find a mass audience for them by simply hitting “save” and “send”, the pitfalls of “expert” opinion grow in numbers that more than match the amount of said opinions being expressed.
In other words, any and every idiot has access to the pipeline.
And the problem with giving any and every idiot access to the pipeline is that there are, literally, millions of people who accept, without question, the doofus dogma.
“Well, uh, Marge…I know it seems kind of, uh, stupid…but, uh, it’s right here on the Intra-net, so it must be true…”
The whole thing goes back to something I said a couple dozen blogs ago.
The problem with freedom is that you have to give it to everybody.
Ergo, the problem with free speech is that you have to allow everybody to speak freely.
And share their expertise, such as it is, wherever they want with whomever they want.
Including those millions of people who accept, without question, the doofus dogma.
Cause it’s, uh, right here on the “Intra-net”.
Healthy debate on the merits of the various Amendments that provide us said freedoms aside, here’s the reason I was inspired to offer my doofus dogma on the subject today.
This is an excerpted article from a relationship page on CNN.com.
Give it a read, if you will.
I’ll be right back to debate the dogma.
WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T SAY I LOVE YOU FIRST
By Wendy Atterberry
(The Frisky) -- If I have a daughter one day, among the many things I'll teach her will be how to tie her shoes, to look both ways before crossing the street, to never end a sentence with a preposition, and to always let the man say "I love you" first.
This issue can cause a bit of commotion. "What is this, the Victorian era?" wrote one person, "if you truly love someone, tell them. Otherwise you're just playing outdated coquettish games."
Another put it more diplomatically: "I don't think I've ever said 'I love you' first, but someone has to do it. It's okay to take a few risks."
I appreciate both arguments and understand the sentiments behind them, but at the risk of having my feminist card revoked, I think it's naïve for a woman to utter those three little words before a man does.
Unlike asking a man out, making a move on him, or even proposing, there's no action-based response to the first "I love you." It's all words, it's all emotion. In that moment, he either loves you back or he doesn't -- you only hear the black or white of a 'yes' or 'no,' not the gray of "Well, I like you a whole lot and I could see myself falling in love with you, but I'm just not quite there yet."
And the truth is, it often takes men longer to get there than it does for women. Men process their emotions more slowly, they're usually more cautious about taking their feelings and relationships to the next level.
So what happens if you get there first and you say it and he's not there yet? What happens when your "I love you" is met with a "thank you," or worse, a deer-in-headlights look? Well, it stings, sure, but more than that, it can stop a perfectly happy and healthy relationship in its tracks before it's even too far from the station.
If a woman asks a man out and he says 'no,' at least she knows where she stands with him and she doesn't waste any time pining over someone who isn't interested. Same thing goes if she makes a move on him and she's rejected.
If she's in a serious relationship -- one where the expression of love has been made clearly by both partners -- and she's eager to make a deeper commitment, there's nothing wrong with proposing. At the very least, it'll start a conversation of where the relationship is headed so the woman can decide for herself if and how long she's willing to wait if the man isn't interested in getting married yet.
But an "I love you" uttered too soon, before the man has processed his feelings and reached the same level of adoration could end a relationship that just as easily could have had an eternal shelf life. As soon as those words are said, they change the dynamic. If a man isn't feeling the love quite yet, he may suddenly feel pressure to manifest that emotion. And if the woman doesn't get the response she expected, it could damage her confidence enough to derail the whole relationship entirely.
First, I have no idea who Wendy Atterberry is.
And I don’t know anything about her.
There is no bio information included with her writing here.
I have a feeling that at least one guy has ripped her heart out because he stiff armed her when she said the “L” word first and he just nodded and went back to SportsCenter.
But, I’m just guessing.
And because there is no bio information, my intrinsically skeptical nature has me imagining that she’s not “qualified” in the conventional sense (degrees, pedigrees, professional experience, etc) to be doling out advice on how people should deal with some of the most heart felt pieces of the puzzles of their lives.
So, my assumption is that she’s a civilian.
Either way, my opinion of her opinion is the same.
She’s full of shit.
Life is short.
Love is the greatest gift.
And if the person who unwraps that exquisite gift you hand them looks like they were just given a membership in the Jelly Of The Month Club, do what you would do in any similar situation.
Tell them to have a nice day.
And move on to the next person on your gift list.
Wendy is probably a very nice person.
And I’m sure her someday daughter will manage to grow up emotionally healthy in spite of Mom’s baggage.
But Wendy isn’t seeing the big picture when it comes to the L word.
And at this time of the year, that’s especially sad.
It’s more blessed to give.
Just imagine where we would be if God was waiting for us to say “I love you” first.
Then again, I’m no expert.
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