Got me wandering over into a stream of consciousness thingy.
Beatles.
Apple.
Apps.
Went looking for some of the latest, greatest.
Found a few that are up for inclusion in the "seriously, gotta have" folder.
Courtesy of a tech writer at Dell.com (whose link I included at the end, by way of throwing them a plug and, theoretically, remaining immune from any impression that I'm a Shia LeBoeuf-ish plagiarizing mo fo, here...oh, and btw, these are not parodies...they are real apps, available in a real place, for real folks just like you and me...really...)
1. Ghost Radar Classic – Scared of things that go bump in the night? Just in time for Halloween, this app scans the energy fields around you, picking up the words being blurted out by your neighbors in the afterlife and speaking them to you to in a creepy effect. The Ghost Radar guys may “offer no guarantees of accuracy,” but, unlike your paranormal targets, the app’s 13,000 five-star ratings in the Android store speak for themselves.
2. Action Movie Creator FX – Real life is just so boring. Thankfully, visionary J.J. Abrams’ production company, Bad Robot, has unleashed this app that lets any user superimpose studio-style special effects on your run-of-the-mill videos. And with FX names like Photon Torpedoes, Car Smash, Robo Attack, Avalanche, Fire Fight, Chopper Down and Alien Burst, you’re about to be dropped into the middle of a Hollywood blockbuster. Hopefully it’s not “John Carter.”
3. SleepCycles – Most people blindly set an alarm only to go trudging through the rest of the day like an extra on The Walking Dead. It doesn’t have to be this way. Just leave your tablet at your bedside and this smart alarm clock will analyze your subtlest sleep movements, waking you up during the lightest sleep phase that falls within a 30-minute window of your wake-up time to leave you as refreshed as possible. The dorkiest can even analyze their sleep statistics. In 2013, counting sheep is for amateurs.
4. RunPee – You’re halfway through the 134-minute runtime of “Captain Phillips” and three quarters of the way through a 64-ounce Cherry Coke when nature begins to call. But when’s a good time to duck out? The dedicated RunPee team has watched nearly every movie imaginable to pick out those 3-5 minute spans without crucial plot twists or action scenes, ensuring you only miss the dullest moments. Cross-referenced with scores from Rotten Tomatoes and details from IMDB, this tongue-in-cheek movie app may be the most useful on the market.
5. Trapster – “The easiest way to fight a speeding ticket is…not to get one in the first place.” The folks at Trapster couldn’t be more right, and now nearly 20.5 million drivers have turned to this app to be warned of red-light cameras and known enforcement points. And all the info is coming straight from the source: ticked off, ticketed drivers who’ve been foiled by speed traps and other police tactics. They now want to save you the same hassle. Apparently, revenge is a dish best served on a tablet.
6. Easy Metal Detector – If loose nickels and dimes hiding beneath the cushions of your couch is your idea of hidden treasure, Easy Metal Detector is your ticket to a payday. It uses the admittedly not-so-strong magnetometer already built into your tablet to find ferrous metals. Priced at just 99 cents, this app will pay for itself in a matter of months. Hopefully.
These apps and others, including games like Candy Crush, are available for download through the Windows Store and Google Play — two places that can truly enhance Dell’s new line of Venue tablets, available in Windows 8.1 and Android. Visit Dell.com/tablets for details.
Okay.
Show of hands.
Who has already downloaded RunPee?
Thought so.
This kind of creativity gets my synaptics all a-firin', though, so I got to thinking about some A's I might be able to add to the assembly.
1. Reality Show Radar- this app keeps an electronic eye on your flat screen as you smilingly surf along and...in the event you get within three channels, either way of, a reality show, it sends out a warning sound to alert you to skip ahead....way, way ahead or, if too late, it temporarily shuts the flat screen down.....three sounds available: a simple buzz, a simple vibration or an uncanny impression of Kim Kardashian saying something really stupid....or, as we think of it around here, Kim Kardashian saying something.
2. Cable News Show Creator FX- real cable news shows are just so boring. Thankfully, this app lets any user superimpose studio-style special effects on your run-of-the-mill cable news show. And with FX names like Maddow Accidentally Leans To The Right, Bill O'Reilly Actually Listens To The Answer, Dennis Miller Stops Doing A Bad Impression Of Dennis Miller, Three of The Five Find Something Wrong In The Known Galaxy That Isn't Obama's Fault, Limbaugh Learns Subtle, Megyn Kelly Visual Blinder (so one can, undistracted, actually hear what she's saying and change the channel) and Sharpton Speak (lowers his delivery to make it seem reasonably normal...not exactly muting your TV, but it will seem like it). Downloads available web wide. Senseless idiot blathering about who's to blame for this app available on any of the cable news shows.
3. Sleep Award Cycle- designed for those who enjoy, or at least pretend to enjoy, the assorted award shows that come rapid fire one after another in the early part of each year. The app monitors the shows very carefully and when it senses... a) a cheesy performance... b) yet one more excruciating "song/dance" concept tribute...c) any award show with the letter "M" "T" and/or "V" in the title...d) any tribute to Woody Allen by anybody...e) any one other than someone in the music business showing up to present an award at a music business award show...and f) any moment, on any show, when anyone is reading lame jokes/patter etc from a teleprompter, this app gives you the choice of...a) putting your TV to "sleep" until the moment passes or...b) switching you over to the Modern Family marathon on USA which is where you should have been in the first place.
4. RunPoo- the app lets you know, in advance, of any scheduled television appearance of Ann Coulter, allowing you to plan your absence from viewing and pay homage to her insights and perspectives simultaneously.
5. Crapster- actually, avoid this particular app. It's just a cheap knock off of RunPoo.
6. Easy Medal Detector- don't have time or patience to sit through the whole season of Dancing With The Stars but still want to know who will take home the disco ball? This app electronically analyzes all of the contestants by a scientifically determined criteria, zeroing in on three main elements:
1) who is the hottest?
2) who has the hottest partner?
3) who is not Chaz Bono, Steve Jobs or Wynonna?
This one is free, by the way.
Because, in many cases, no one really gives a shit.
Saving them, though, the cost of downloading RunPoo.
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