Learn something new every day.
Every season, too, apparently.
As we head headlong towards the festive frenzy finish line, the air, broadcast and otherwise, is abuzz with gift ideas for all races, creeds, colors, sexual preferences and personality types, functional and dys, you find on your naughty/nice list.
And soon, of course, the focus of our attention will, as it has for generations, be finally turned away from the gimmies and gift cards and Griddlers (oh, my) and we will arrive, mercifully, together, to ponder and reflect...
...on which diet plan/pill or program best meets our needs in the new year.
For the moment, though, the ideas abound, the suggestions saturate.
Here's a thing, though.
A kind of new thing, actually.
The anti-suggestion.
Not "here's what to get" as much as "here's what not to get."
Okay.
Knowledge is, admittedly, power, I suppose.
Although I'm not sure the manufacturers, sellers, et al of the following items are all that thrilled with this particular power being parceled out at this particular time of year.
Here, from a piece I came across on Yahoo, from Kaboodle.com, are "7 gifts you should avoid this holiday season"
Household Appliances
She may have expressed her desire for a fancy Dyson vacuum cleaner or a convenient Kitchen Aid mixer sometime this year, but that doesn't make a household appliance a good gift idea. No woman wants to be reminded of household chores or think you're thinking of her as the one who does the cooking and cleaning when she opens her gift.
A Pet
Even if you think your little ones are ready for a puppy or kitten, save pet adoption for after the holidays. With guests visiting your house, holiday decorations on display, and myriad other distractions during the week, it's the worst time to try and introduce a small animal to its new home.
Jewelry You've Seen on a TV Commercial
Despite the plethora of television commercials with messages to the contrary, most women do not want a heart-shaped pendant from a chain jewelry store. If your loved one is an accessory lover, opt for something special and one-of-a-kind from an independent jewelry designer on Etsy.
Gift Baskets
The one thing there's never a lack of during the holidays is food. From cookies, candies, and fruitcakes to ham, mashed potatoes, and gravy, there's always something to pop in our mouths in the last weeks of the year. That's why no one needs any more food coming their way. While a nice gift basket full of cured meats, cheese spreads, fruit, and candy might be delicious, there's already more than enough to eat without giving someone more.
A Sweater
There's no denying a cashmere sweater is a nice thing, but opening a box and discovering a plain sweater is sort of dull. Plus, the chances of getting the exact style, size, and color the recipient would prefer is slim. Instead, add a nice cashmere scarf or pair of gloves to your loved one's stocking.
Credit Card Gift Cards
While a nice shiny Amex or Visa gift card sounds like a great gift idea, it can be a hassle for the recipient to use. They're processed as credit cards with a limit of whatever is loaded on the card so it can be difficult to use them for purchases that exceed that amount. And most of these cards have an activation fee you'll have to pay at the point of purchase. Instead, opt for cash or a gift card to a store you're certain your recipient likes to shop in.
Lingerie
Most women love pretty lingerie, but let's face it, if you're a man buying a woman lingerie, the gift is as much for you as it is for her. And, if you're opening gifts in mixed company, it could be really embarrassing for the recipient. Save the sexy underthings for a Valentine's Day gift and get her something she really wants this holiday season.
Gotta tell ya, there were a couple of surprises on that list for even this grandfather/oft married veteran of the mall wars.
Sure, for years, on the radio shows and in print, I've been doing my part to wave guys off the almost always fatal act of classifying anything that looks like it belongs on a kitchen counter as a gift, if only by suggesting that the same result can be achieved for much less money by simply taking a vow of celibacy.
And though my morning show actually currently does a weekly segment with local animal shelter folks helping to find the little critters a new crib, I think we can all agree on the logic of not freaking out a little Fido or Furball by "birthing" them smack ass knee deep in the middle of the holiday hoopla.
But, sweaters? I mean, come on.
That's been a staple of gift giving since each/any of us got our very first Rudolph the Red Nosed, with an actual bright red, fuzzy tennis ball kind of thing attached as the nose, Reindeer sweater.
And gift cards? Wasn't/isn't the whole purpose of buying the "generic" credit card type gift card to deal with not knowing what the hell to get somebody and/or not knowing where the hell they like to shop and what the hell they would buy if they were in said shop?
I mean, what the hell?
And, while we're at it, I think a little service charge is a small price to pay for not being burdened with fifty bucks worth of credit at Fred's Deer, Fish and Raccoon Hunt-O-Rama.
Not to mention a Rudolph the Red Nosed, with an actual bright red, fuzzy tennis ball kind of thing attached as the nose, Reindeer sweater.
Lingerie? Okay, that one can be conceded.
As any one who has ever been in the living room on Christmas morning at the same time as Granny, Grampy, MeeMaw, PopPop, assorted toddlers and/or pre-schoolers and a package that unwraps to reveal admittedly stylish, but undeniably, crotchless panties can attest.
But, let's stop this final madness, once and for all.
And ask ourselves the most real, heartfelt, soul searching, sincere as all giddyup question of this most blessed of seasons.
Who among us would not wipe away tears of joy to the world upon the discovery, under tree or in lap, of a fine assortment of cheeses and salamis from Hickory Farms?
There is, I think, some useful information to be gleaned from the Kaboodle article.
But I also think the writer's disparaging of these traditional and very popular gift ideas reveals a little attitude, a little bitterness, perhaps.
Even, I'm sensing, a little trauma experienced along the way, a ghost, if you will, of Christmas past.
I'm thinking really ugly sweater.
Wrapped up in a cheese log.
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