It’s a bum rap.
I really don’t think that Obama is any better or more qualified to be president than McCain.
And I really don’t think that Biden is necessarily going to make a better VP that Palin would have ( or will…election day is still ten days away and I NEVER underestimate the zany bunch that is the American electorate).
But perception is reality.
And I can see, by rereading my own words, where you might perceive that I am anti Palin.
Perceive away.
It’s a free country.
Withholding taxes, notwithstanding.
But I realized this morning that I’ve finally grown tired of pontificating political.
And you’ve likely “groan” tired of it, too.
Hardy har.
So, in my own twisted version of being part of the solution as opposed to the problem, let me offer an answer to the question that I’ve heard coming at me in the form of vibes from cyberspacers who still dream the dream of a McCain Palin administration.
And share with you some names of folks I think might have benefited McCain more than the very nice lady who is going to be living down the whole Caribou Barbie thing for awhile.
See, I think the problem isn’t that McCain chose to try and go outside the box.
It’s that he didn’t go outside the outside of the box.
Because, Palin’s qualifications or lack of same aside, she is an elected official and, by default, a part of the “establishment”.
Scratch a maverick, find a politician.
Had I been advising the campaign, I would have offered that we were missing the biggest part of the big picture, that being that the job of VP nominee, and VP for that matter, is simply that of sidekick.
Unless, of course, the president dies in office.
Or is Dick Cheney.
So, since McCain obviously wanted to “energize” things and clearly threw a Hail Mary pass when he picked Palin, why throw the Hail Mary twenty yards when you might as well go for fifty or sixty?
In for a penny, so to speak.
And if qualifications aren’t the criteria (and yes, I really do GET that Obama has very little experience either, but at least the guy was vetted by primary voters for two friggin years), then why not just totally go for broke and, high office qualifications be damned, just go for the sidekick that would bring the most to the table?
For example:
Ed McMahon….loyal, energetic, able to sell anything and everything from Medic Alert to Alpo and that whole “Heeeerre’s Johnnnny” thing would have been a nothing but net slam dunk in a McCain campaign.
Robin…again, loyal and energetic, not to mention buff, Batman’s number two would have not only brought the youth vote pouring in, but, with the mask, he’s got, right out of the gate, the most important quality of any potential office holder: plausible deniability.
Oprah….okay, so she’s not a sidekick, but think of the mindblow here….in one bold move, you not only steal Obama's "number one fan", you appeal to blacks, celebrities, soccer moms and disgruntled Hillary supporters of all races and both sexual preferences.
Ethel Mertz….again, the women’s vote is in the bag, but, best of all, when things start to go south domestically and/or internationally, the distraction value of McCain and Mertz shoving chocolates into their orifices and clothing as the assembly line goes faster? Priceless.
Teller…of Penn and…not a lot of help demographically, necessarily, but since the guy never utters a word, he would be the heaven sent choice to act as spokesperson for any administration failure. And never underestimate the political value of a cool “pour the milk into the paper cone” thing.
Tonto…probably the icon of sidekicks…with T, you not only put the Native American vote in the bag, and probably by association, all the other minorities, you’ve got a whole big damn US of A full of casinos to fund whatever the next zany war effort is.
Tweedle Dum…oh, wait….we did that with Quayle didn’t we? Never mind.
Bubba Blue (Forest Gump’s most very good friend)…not only do you lock up the black vote, but we can save the taxpayer’s a fortune by getting rid of that bunch who plan the state dinner menus,,,(“shrimp stew…shrimp cocktail…boiled shrimp…fried shrimp…..”).
Marie Osmond….(from her “Donny and…” days)…you get the women’s vote, the celeb backing, the Mormon vote and if and when the wheels come off, you just send her out to distract us with her dancing…and if things REALLY go south, she faints…problem solved.
And, last but not least…
Marge Simpson….you assure yourself of the women’s vote, the youth vote, the highly underrated and much overlooked animated characters vote and you’re talking about a woman who has put up with Homer Simpson for twenty odd years. Surely that makes her capable of putting up with just about anything and everything Washington DC might throw at her.
And if, God forbid, she should become president, our enemies would be totally stunned as to how to deal with an American government staffed with such diverse personalities as Moe the Bartender and Krusty the Klown.
Not to mention having Ned Flanders in the cabinet would sure shut Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh and their gang the hell up.
Oh…and while I imagine it’s a moot point at this point, I’d offer to Senator McCain this last piece of advice.
If you’re sticking with the maverick thing, why not go for broke?
You still have ten days.
And Kathie Lee hasn’t got a gig.
